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The road trip through Hell.
05:52 May 16 2011
Times Read: 925












Ankh-Re was insistent on renting a gold 2009 Lexus for our trip. It took quite a bit of convincing on my part to talk him into renting a truck instead.

"Oh well - I guess you're right" he said begrudgingly. "It's not like we'll see very many luxury cars where we're going."

We placed our bags in the back of the black 2007 Dodge Durango, and drove out of New York City to connect with U.S. Route 1 heading south.

The further southwest we drove, the more greenery we saw. There were many small waterways flowing throughout the areas, and the riotous colors of the fall foliage - along with the fresh air - was almost intoxicating. On several occasions, I asked Ankh-Re pull over, so I could take pictures of the flora and fauna.

"This was a great idea, Ankh-Re" I said, as I photographed a doe and her fawn nibbling on a bush.

"See? I do have great ideas on occasion" Ankh-Re replied, sarcastically. "With all of our stops though, we'll need to find a hotel soon, so we can get an early start in the morning" he added.

Which is exactly what we did. We stayed at a small roadside motel...and shared a queen-sized bed. Ankh-Re did not try anything; not one amorous move on his part. Which was strange, to say the least...

The next morning, we were on the road and driving south towards the western edge of the Appalachian Mountains.

Around 1 pm, we ended up in the small town of Twigs, which was north of Morgantown, West Virginia. We ate at a diner, where we had hamburgers and fries. What few locals we saw stared at us as if we were aliens. As a matter of fact, when we sat down at a table inside of the diner, the waitress walked up to us and said "We no hablo espanolee" with a stupid smile on her face.

Ankh-Re replied with "We no hablo espanolee either, although I do speak Spanish, among other languages" in his perfect American English. "May we have two Cokes while we decide what we'll have?"

I snickered. I hated when people made ignorant assumptions, although I am sure that I would have added to the confusion if I had spoken with my accent.

While we were eating, a sheriff's deputy sauntered in and took a seat at the counter.

"I'll have the usual, Millie" he said to the waitress. Millie brought the officer a huge mug of black coffee. He slowly spun around on the barstool to inspect us. He removed his hat and placed it on the counter. He stared at me for a moment and I stared right back at him. I did not have to read his mind, as the gleam of lust was apparent in his gaze.

He finally spoke. "Ya'll enjoying our town?" he asked. Ankh-Re looked up from his plate and answered him.

"Actually - we've just arrived, and are passing through. Do you have any suggestions for us?"

"Well" said the deputy "There are the Twigs Springs about 5 miles north on the outskirts of town. The main road here will take you to it easy enough." He ran his hand through his short blond hair and took another sip of his coffee. He was young and attractive, in a rawboned sort of way. His high cheekbones and almond-shaped green eyes gave him an exotic appearance.

"Don't even think about it" Ankh-Re said to me telepathically. I ignored him and glanced at Millie, who was standing behind the counter glaring at me. Do not worry, dear, I thought - I will not go after the man you want, even though he has absolutely no interest in you. I actually felt sorry for her.

"The springs sound interesting. We could use some curative waters after all of the driving we've done" stated Ankh-Re.

The deputy turned from Ankh-Re to me. "Just make sure to stay on the road, and when you get to the fork, go left."

"Left" I repeated.

"That's right, ma'am. If ya'll go right, you'll be goin' to a closed power plant, which is a restricted area."

"Then left it is" stated Ankh-Re dryly. He went up to where Millie was standing, near the cash register, and gave her a twenty dollar bill. "Keep the change." Millie stared up at Ankh-Re as if he were a god from Mount Olympus. She licked her lips then swallowed hard. I know honey - I thought. He is quite handsome, is he not? When I read her thoughts and envisioned her little pudgy body writhing in between the naked torsos of Ankh-Re and the deputy, I held in a giggle...

Once Ankh-Re filled up the gas tank, we drove out of town towards the springs.

"Blondie wanted to fuck your brains out" he said, with no emotion in his voice. "And that little fat waitress wanted to kill you" he added.

I said nothing for a few minutes, then replied "And that little fat waitress wanted to fuck you too."

Ankh-Re laughed. "I know. Being a sultry vampire is sooooo hard at times." We both laughed.

While driving the short distance to the springs, we came through a small hamlet.

"Look at the local color" said Ankh-Re. An old man was sitting on a porch plucking on a banjo. The toothless smile he gave us was more of a grimace. It was an image right out of 'Deliverance'.

"Let's pull over for a bit." Ankh-Re suggested. I did not want to pull over; I wanted to continue on to the springs. But I gave in to his request.

Ankh-Re stepped from the truck and walked up to the old man on the porch. I followed behind him.

"That is a beautiful banjo. Is it home made?" Ankh-Re asked.

The old man continued to grin his toothless grin without saying a word. He stop plucking, and handed the banjo over to Ankh-Re. It was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship.

"What type of wood is this?" Ankh-Re asked.

"Imlock" came the raspy toothless reply.

"Hemlock?" repeated Ankh-Re.

The old man nodded in the affirmative.

Ankh-Re stroked the banjo's wood. "Would you be willing to sell this to me?" he finally asked.

The old man jerked a thumb towards the front door of the house. "Mo' inside." Then he yelled "Mary Ann!"

A short stout woman appeared at the door. She had a suspicious look on her face. When Ankh-Re asked if she had any banjos for sale, she became a little more friendly.

"Wait here" she said, then stepped back inside. She soon emerged from the house with four banjos. She spread them out on the porch for Ankh-Re.

He chose one with a fine hide, and asked Mary Ann how much she wanted for it. She said seventy-five dollars. We both knew that she should have received more for the banjo, so Ankh-Re gave her two hundred dollars in fifties. She look up into Ankh-Re's face, and said "Wow! Thank you sir!"

Ankh-Re then asked her where the wood came from. She told him that they usually got the wood from the trees in the nearby forest.

"We only go to the edge of the forest there. Don't go inside the interior, as folks get lost, and they don't come back."

"Really? Why is that?" asked Ankh-Re.

Mary Ann was quiet for a moment before speaking again; she had to gather her thoughts. Ankh-Re and I easily detected something negative in her mind.

"Well...there's lots of ravines and ditches and such. The trees are pretty thick, and some sunlight don't get through the trees at all...so I hear" she finally said. "The deputies are always patrolling on the outside, to hunt down whatever is in there." she finally offered.

"Hunt down what? Bigfoot?" asked Ankh-Re sarcastically.

'I don't know what's in them woods" Mary Ann snapped. "None of us'll go in there to find out neither. Now ya'll have a good day and steer clear of them woods." She went back inside of her house, slamming the door behind her.

I looked at Ankh-Re and said "Maybe she has a point. For all we know, there could be a lycan den inside of those woods."

Ankh-Re laughed. "Lycans? Are you serious? When was the last time we ran into lycans? They keep to themselves as we do."

"Well" I said, "There is something out there. Mary Ann's fear was genuine."

"That may be true. But just because she has genuine fear doesn't mean that what she fears is real. Now - I want to see those trees. I promise not to go into the interior." Ankh-Re was immovable on the subject. I sighed.

"Only go to the edge of the forest. And be quick about it" I finally said.

Ankh-Re grinned and turned on the truck's engine. We waved goodbye to the old man, who was still on the porch with his toothless grin.

When we arrived at the forest's edge, Ankh-Re stepped from the truck, to caress the nearest tree. I thought about how he ignored me the night before. I did not receive such a touch...

While Ankh-Re was waxing poetic over the tree, I noticed a man stumbling towards our direction. He had emerged from the forest, and was about one hundred feet away from Ankh-Re. He was disheveled, and appeared drunk - no doubt from his own home-made moonshine. When he got closer, a foul odor assailed my nose. He reeked of death and decay. Ankh-Re stopped communing with nature and turned to look at the man. He also sensed that something was not right with him.

"Man - are you okay?" Ankh-Re asked. He instinctively backed up as the man continued his approach. The stench was overpowering.

Another person emerged from the woods. This time, it was a woman. She was just as disgusting as the man. She too, stumbled towards us.

"What the fuck?" asked Ankh-Re, as he stepped towards the truck. The stumbling turned into a clumsy jog, as the two people came towards us.

"This does not look good." stated Ankh-Re. Right when he spoke, a thing jumped from the trees and landed on Ankh-Re's back. He easily tore it off, and realized that it was a small boy, of about seven or eight years old. The boy snarled, and snapped at Ankh-Re like a rabid dog.

The man and the woman were closer, and I stepped out from the truck.

"God damn you, Ankh-Re!" I shouted. "I told you that we should have kept going!" I punched the woman in the face. She fell to the ground, then got back up, snarling like the boy. I thought that her breath would kill me. At the very least, is made me want to throw up.

They seemed impervious to pain. Ankh-Re shouted "Go to the truck and get my sword!" I did as he asked, and was soon at his side wielding the blade. He took it from me, and in one quick movement, lopped off the head of the man. The man did not die, however. The body kept wiggling about on the ground, while the head's mouth moved silently.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Ankh-Re said in wonder and disgust. "Zombies? Fucking zombies?"

I remembered a book of matches that were in the truck, and rushed to go get them. I set the body and the severed head on fire. The head actually screamed...it was a horrible sound...which brought out more zombies.

Here it was - in broad daylight - at the forest's edge...and we were being attacked by zombies. A part of my brain kept telling me that I was dreaming - just having a horrible nightmare. But I was wide awake and aware of my surroundings. A voice came to my mind asking: "If you exist, why not them?" But I was too busy to answer that question, as the zombie boy tried to chew on my leg as I set the female's hair on fire. As I wore a pair of cowboy boots, his disgusting little teeth did not penetrate the leather.

"Oh - to hell with this shit!" yelled Ankh-Re. He swung the sword in an arc, removing two to three heads at a time.

Yes, there were more of the nasty creatures attacking us. I counted fifteen, with about seven already dispatched and on the ground. While I moved faster than they did, the zombies were surprisingly quick on their feet - no slow stumbling gait here, unfortunately...so much for the movies.

The torso of a fat redhead pulled itself along the dirt. Her clawed hands and huge breasts left deep drag marks in the dirt. When she got closer to me, I dug a boot heel into her face. Her head opened up like a soft melon, gushing brain matter and an eyeball. It was so sickening that I actually threw up bits of hamburger and fries into the crater that was once her face.

While Ankh-Re removed heads, I rushed about setting the body parts on fire. The screams and the stench was unbearable. When we finally destroyed the disgusting creatures, we stumbled back to the truck and got in.

"The next time I will listen to you" said Ankh-Re, completely out of breath. He looked a mess, with zombie gore splattered on his torn clothing. I looked down at myself, and saw that I looked just as bad.

"Go fuck yourself" I wheezed out. "I am never going anywhere with you again."

We sat in silence for over half an hour, before a truck pulled up next to us. It was the deputy from the diner. He stepped out of the truck, and calmly walked through the body parts, shooting an occasional bullet through a severed head.

"I'm impressed" he finally said as he walked up to our truck. 'Folks don't usually make it out alive from the forest."

Ankh-Re was out of the truck in an instant. He grabbed the deputy by the neck. "I guess you couldn't be bothered to warn us?" he said between clenched teeth.

The deputy remained calm, as he said "I warned ya' when I told ya' about the restricted area. And like - you'd believe me if I told ya' about the zombies...yeah. Right. Anyway...I knew that you vampires would be fine."

Ankh-Re and I were taken aback. "How did you know that we're vampires?" he finally asked.

The deputy - still calm - replied "I could smell you a mile away. I'm a lycan."

Ankh-Re released the deputy. He ran his hands through his gore-filled hair, then asked "How long has this shit been going on?"

The deputy replied. "Since the power plant was closed back in the seventies. Folks 'round here think that the contamination caused the zombie outbreak among the hill-folk who live deep in the forest. We do what we can to keep them inside, and destroy them whenever they come out. It's rare when they come out of the woods though. I think they like the smell of vampire blood especially." He actually wore a smirk on his face.

"Yeah - I bet they do" said Ankh-Re, seething with renewed anger.

"Um - of course - I'd hate to see anything happen to the pretty missus here" he said, looking at me.

"Well, gee - you could've come sooner, huh?" snapped Ankh-Re. "As it is - we took care of the attack ourselves."

We climbed into the truck to go back to town to find a motel to clean up, leaving the deputy on the radio requesting a clean-up crew.

I sat in the passenger seat glaring at Ankh-Re, and did not utter a word. While glaring at him, I noticed that he really did not look well. There was a slight greenish-gray cast to his skin.

"Are you alright?" I finally asked.

"I don't know, Isis" he replied. "I think that little bastard bit me."







(c) MFH 2011

A Change of plans.
22:13 May 14 2011
Times Read: 945

After having lunch and roaming about the city streets, we went back to our hotel. Ankh-Re got the bright idea of a road trip before returning to the Bay Area.

'We've been in this huge city long enough - why don't we spend some time together in the countryside somewhere before we go home?" Ankh-Re suggested.

It was actually a great idea. The thought of seeing the fall foliage of the East was appealing to me.

"Yes. Why not?" I replied.

It was a toss up between upstate New York or southern Pennsylvania's border with West Virginia. We decided on going south instead of north. What a mistake.







MFH 2011